Believe it or not, from my young age and my simple experiences in life, I almost became a depressed person with negative energy, lost in setting goals!….

When you are a simple person living an organized and clear life with a large loving family. In a country where peace and security prevail, in a small town, in a neighborhood where everyone knows the other person, in a building in which we live with the family, where we rejoice together and grieve together and at every step, we support each other, isn’t this a comfortable life that does not need changes or the presence of external influences!?

At the beginning of my story, which is the biggest event that happened to me in my life and changed, it was my father’s screams. We thought something had happened…but when we saw his wide smile as if he had won the lottery, we started wondering what was going on! He said, “We will go, children. “تحقق حلمي, تحقق حلمي,” I said to him, How much money did we earn? His smile increased. But From the inside, I feel that something is going to happen that will change who I am now.

My father said, “You children, we will go to the United States as we always dreamed. I was superficially happy, but deep down, I feel terrible fear and great tension. 

I always dreamed of getting on the plane, but I never dreamed of getting out of my country and the rituals of my life and away from my world. I never dreamed of that, this is My quiet life, what will happen now?

My father told me, We will not go long, we will return and this thing reassured my heart and convinced my mind with these words. I told my friends I will only go for five months and come back. I will not stay there, but here I am two and a half years in this country and I have not returned, as if they are still waiting for the five months to end! I was stuck here and got involved in this country, so I always believed that a person could not live outside their country, as if I was a flower and the country was my earthy, they could not cut me so that I would not wither.

I am speaking for myself personally, surely there are many who do not support my words, but this is me “ ايه”! This is my nature, this is my faith that clings to it, no one can change me, I thought that this was only a trip, “a return trip”, but I discovered that there is no return, with one message that reached my father, changed my faith and beliefs, I started preparing my things for travel, and when I finished the bag I sat in front of it and started talking to it Yes, I’m talking with my bag that I put my life in.

I started talking to the bag and saying please don’t let me down, don’t make me sad, I’m a person who can’t leave everything behind for a few days, please take me back here to this spot where I’m sitting now, it was a very touching moment for me, some may think I add a lot of drama but this It is not an easy thing to do in one week, and I do not wish anyone to feel the way I felt.

I rode the plane as I wished, we happened to come here in the winter and the white snow was welcoming us in its own way, we were not used to the extreme cold and snow a lot, how much I liked it, Which made me optimistic about a new beginning and positive energy like fresh snow.

And I inform you that our entry to the United States accompanied the entry of the Covid-19 epidemic, which made me and my family feel afraid of the future, and the world closed its doors and we were no longer able to return to my country, we did not find work and we did not find a home that easily, and travel was impossible during this period Here, we had to take a bold decision, which is to face what we are in and live with this situation.

so my family enrolled me in a school so that I would not lose an academic year, and here I had to live with this global situation “الكارثي”.

I started studying remotely and this was something new for all of us, and my language was weak and I was afraid, how will I deal with this catastrophic situation of schools and no world abroad (خائيفين), how will I solve my affairs alone! The time began to pass quickly and I did not feel it and I was not subjected to any pressure, everyone was by my side and everyone was encouraging me, from friends, family, and teachers, I never felt that I was different, even my family did not break up. We used to visit each other as we used to do in the country, but I will not deny it was not that easy I faced some thresholds.

When the disease subsided and everyone started to feel a little safe and go out and open the doors of the embassies and I started to go to school and go out to beautiful areas I only saw on the phone, I quickly got used to living outside my country, I never expected that I would do that I thought I would cry every day to go back to my country, I thought that I would never accept to be away from my friends, but here I am now visiting my country and not living in it, my presence outside my country was a very useful thing, as there were many fields for me, the best schools and universities, the best education, and even better financial life, I always miss my remaining family in My country and my friends, but the distance between us did not keep me away from them. I will always look to visit them.

I used to believe that I would never be able to live outside my country but that all changed as if I had never believed in that! But my grandmother did not do like me. She came to the United States because of her children to stay together and take care of her, but moments before she died, she said bury me in my country and not here, her request brought me back to my old feelings, and we certainly fulfilled her ideal request.

We face a lot, which makes our beliefs change and our view of life and how to deal with it, forcing us to see other things that we never expected.  It may be for us or against us.

Therefore, I am completely convinced that faith is just a word. If you have always believed in something and stood up, it means that there is nothing constant in life. In this experience, I had faith in many things, but not anymore, and quite the opposite. 

Yes again “Believe is just a word”.

“الايمان مجرد كلمة”